Excerpt #14

Life is the answer that has no question...

A Melody

Emanating from Silence...
Heading for Silence...
A melody is always permeated by silence in between...
Threatened by it..it always struggles against it.
Yet silence is the inevitable fate.
As immortality is but through silence..

Like forests on fire..
Silence actually refreshes the melody's soil...it renews it.
Silence contains all the melodies together.

Singled out of the Silence's infinite spectrum
A melody is a lost existence.
destined beforehand to vanish..
destined to return...
A melody is a doomed existence.
Whose goal is to reach silence uninterrupted.

Delimited by Silence at both ends..
A melody is itself but a side of it.
Silence is Everything
Distributed on all melodies.
A melody is nothingness
Whose possibilities always sound of Silence.

Excerpt #13

"That girl was soo good that my dick could not help but give her a standing ovation..."

Work

How Can I love you...

when I slave for ever more?

How Can I protect you...

when I am threatened at every shore?

How can I honor you...

when I am beat as a whore?

How can I calm you...

when I am insecure as a little boar?

How can I find you...

when I am reflected on every core?

How can I embrace you...

when I believe in never more?

How can I have you...

when I am broken at every door?

How can I elevate you...

when I am but a gravity towards no floor?

How can I get you...

when I am all anger empty of any roar?

How can I dance you...

when I can't know what I am standing for?

How can I know you...

when I am an anonymous further more?

limited to no whole...

I am a hero forever ripped off of his glory...

I am a human without his existence...

I am a question with no mark.

Or a sentence with no start....

How can I love when it's never enough....?

It's an agony when life is not worth your precious love.

Excerpt #12

..and if I am nothing to god then I am nothing at all and if god is nothing then I am all. Actually, it's either us or god.

The Chosen One..

"Every humanism is either grounded in a metaphysics or is itself made to be the ground of one. Every determination of the essence of man that already presupposes an interpretation of beings without asking about the truth of Being, whether knowingly or not, is metaphysical"

Martin Heidegger.
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I was in Starbucks the other night --Korba branch. I was Reading a beautiful essay for Martin Heidegger that was called "A Letter on Humanism". The essay was so beautifully sophisticated and attractively engrossing and enlightening that I could not leave it and go answer nature's call by heading for the gents' room to pee until later on when I could not keep on putting it on hold any longer. Additionally, in contrast to every one else there with me who were sitting in groups...boys and girls...I was sitting alone. But I had no choice, I actually had no choice but to take with me only the small valuables which I could drop into my jeans pockets and leave pretty much all else behind on the table till I come back: my jacket, my leather bag, the book of essays, the notebook, the pen along with the 4-pounds-worth small water bottle and the 17.5 pounds-worth tall hot-chocolate drink. After all, we were supposed to be all civilized people there...those were all beautiful people...beautiful boys and girls.

I could not wait to get back to that article again. On my way back to where I was sitting, all my undivided attention and my mellifluous thought streams were so attached to, conditioned by n channeled on that article that I could not exactly take much of a notice as to who that boy was at the far end opposite to me or what he was doing standing like that at the glass door of StarBucks keeping it slightly ajar, in truth, on my way back to my table, we eyed each other briefly but not enough for me to tell who he was or what he was trying to do by being at the glass door like that. So I sat down...my back now was to that glass door where the boy was and as I was leaning forward to get the book back up before me and resume reading again. I observed that all the people around me were stealthily looking behind me...at the glass door of Starbucks...some were waving, some were doing some movements with their hands and some were just jokingly looking. So naturally, out of curiosity I as well turned around to take a look myself at the door and see what it was all about. And there he was, one of those homeless boys...aka street kids. No older than 15 years old at max. Pleading and making as if he was hungry...pointing at his tummy with one hand and with the other he was still keeping the door ajar. He was rubbing his tummy with one hand...asking for money to go get something to eat. Whilst the others around me, some of them was trying to act "cool"...the boys were trying to look smart before the girls; they were all like "hey you..u don't fool me with those little moves u lil weasel..go back to ur street master...tell him I could not fool nobody" and some were just acting as if they don't see him at all --but how could they?!! - Actually, They were all accusing him and he was begging them. They were all accusing and he was all begging. It was all an inverted situation before my eyes...as I was not much certain who should actually accuse whom in a situation like that. Frankly, back then at that time I was not at all that busy with those people around me trying to analyze them like that as these words may indicate now. I rather without thinking glanced at the boy at the glass door as if communicating with him...telling him to please wait & hold on a bit even more...and I automatically found myself opening the zipper of my bag, reaching inside. In my hand now was a certain wad of money...I could not afford bothering to count them...I stood up and hastily walked to the glass door behind me where the boy was at...keeping it still ajar. I silently put the money back into the open palm of his extended hand. He muttered something, I could not exactly recognize the words..or even now I can't guess what they were exactly. The boy took off immediately after that and then I had to get back again to where I was sitting. All was eying me now...as if I did something out of place. Maybe it was indeed but that was the last thing to worry about that night.

I was breathing heavily when I got back to sit again. My chest was heaving rapidly and my heart was pounding fast at my chest. I felt as if it was it...like I was gonna die...right here in StarBucks...I have not yet finished reading that essay yet. I thought to myself. All in all, I was not one bit frightened...a reassuring smile continued to dare growing even bigger on my face. They were all still eying me from all around me. It would be wrong to think that I now condemn those people or I question their goodness, no, not at all. I am sure they are good people...they're still learning. And I myself have fallen in their errors many a countless times before. I can never condemn them for they are not ready yet...for each of them was the other's tight chain; each of them was the other's prison cell guard. They were all in fear, cowering so deeply into themselves...they were the ones who were truly asking for help and not that boy who took off minutes ago. For they were afraid...afraid of life...afraid of giving. But I was not separated from them, actually I never was connected to them more than I was the other night. In fact I think that none ever got to connect to them as deeply as I felt myself was that night. I was still breathing heavily. And I suddenly felt that the veil that is my body has now been lifted...once n for all..and now I was connected to all of them...not just the people in Starbucks that night...but even the ones outside...the ones on the streets...the ones in their homes...all the people whom I know and whom I don't, not just in this time or era..but people of yore and those in future. I felt connected to not just the people in my country...but to all the people all around the world. I felt connected to humanity. I felt I was not a single member of humanity. I rather felt I was all of it in its entirety. I felt I was myself humanity in its completion. I was in paradise...and it dawned on me that each of us can truly be his/her own paradise or hell. Moreover, just like that...each of us can be his/her own tomb as well. Each of us and no one else can condemn him or her self to either hell or paradise and just like that each of us can condemn him or her self to eternal oblivion. Simply, each of us is his/her own true GOD...and no one else is. And you admit yourself into that paradise not as a reward of your mere conviction of yourself as merely just a "good' person. Or just because you think yourself to be a good person out of the fact that you never actually hurt anybody or that you helped some people out you should expect to "experience" such paradise in question. This paradise rises first and foremost within you and then it gets perfectly projected all around you. It permeates the whole being of the universe that's being disclosed and unfolded before your eyes. And it's a transcendence beyond all fears and it comes a result of your discovery that you in fact are not separated from all beings around you...that you all stream and pour into each other the entire BEING...that you and each one of other beings are rather in yourself THE one BEING...and each of you is still in itself rather that intact and undivided one being. That paradise becomes you when you save the whole humanity...by being the entire humanity itself. That paradise is revealed as yourself when you save the whole life..knowing for sure that you like any other being is the whole life in all of its entirety.

That magical state of being remained with me for a while...till I somehow felt I had to come back again...this time not back behind the veil once again...no...never...but actually back on the stage..where I still had a role to perform before a vast and hungry audience. I surely have a role to play...I realized that beyond doubt the other night..never again will I be an extra. The curtain's been lifted and I am on stage and the show must go on. And the audience need to realise that they themselves ought to be players as well and take crucial part...but they won't..won't dare to get up and climb up on stage to stand with me...no..not still..not till I myself first perform my role...before their eyes.

I could not continue reading the essay "A letter on Humanism" any further. I stuffed all my belongings into my bag and I stood up...that smile was still on my face. I opened Starbucks glass door and went outside. I walked back home. On my way back I bought a Heineken beer. When I arrived home...I had a light dinner with the beer...watched a couple of seinfeld episodes and then went to sleep. Not afraid never to wake up. I never will.

If there's anything I now feel I need to change about that night, it's that I now wish I had given that boy at the glass door....more money.
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An arabian girl once said:

"If your religion does not change you change your religion"

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Excerpt #11

You know what?!! all fucking arguments aside...I just can't help but wonder how could a god who's supposed to be "infinitely merciful" ever have a hell in the first place?!! Such a god is utterly inconceivable..."infinitely merciful"?!!!! OH yeaa right..infinitely merciful and still damning people in hell for infinity...you know what?!! it's not a question that those people deserve to be in paradise and those in fucking hell...naah..not at all...it's a question of how could a god who claims to be "infinitely merciful" ever create creation that would deserve to remain and be tortured in hell for infinity to begin with?!! How could a god who's supposed to be infinitely merciful...ever boast having such a hell..and still keep on sickeningly brandishing it before his own mortal offspring...creation like that?!!! How could infinite mercy still correspond to that?!!! How could ever a god who's infinitely merciful ever approve of that?!! If you can't fucking find this...absolutely absurd and infinitely alarming to no end....I don't know what the hell is.

(IM)potence

Can you make love to her without an erection?
Can you taste her without spilling her?

Can you make love to her as both the man and the woman?
Can you inhabit her without breaking into her?
Can you inhabit her as a god inhabits his temple?

Can you descend on her without crushing her?
Can you descend on her as muse on poets?

Can you make love to her not out of hunger...but rather out of.......Abundance?
Can you seek not completion in her...but rather a limit...a definition?

Can you fertilize her while springing out of her?
Can you cultivate life into her while pregnant of her?

Can you make love to her without ruining her?
Can you make love to her while salvaging her?

A man is never complete until he realizes in himself both the man & the woman...

Excerpt #10

We're all gay...yes we all are..just as the gay ferociously seek legality by so "lewdly" insisting on their gayness..we humans also in our turn desperately seek legality by insisting on our own suspended existence...in all ways imaginable...legal and not. How ironic?!!

Precedence

With the creation of every law..
Its outlaws first prove precedence..
With the creation of every sin..
Its devils first prove precedence..
With the creation of every hell..
Its fuel first proves precedence..
With the creation of every god..
Its disbelievers first prove precedence..
With the creation of every life..
Its death first proves precedence..